Humour

"Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love." - Albert Einstein

"If two men agree on everything, you may be sure that one of them is doing the thinking. - Lyndon Baines Johnson

"K is for Kenghis Kahn. He was a very nice person. History has no record of him. There's a moral in that somewhere." - Harlan Ellison

"We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true." - Robert Wilensky, ILP 1996

"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move." - Douglas Adams in The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

"The other day a woman came up to me and said, 'Didn't I see you on television?' I said, 'I don't know. You can't see out the other way." - Emo Phillips

"Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock." - Will Rogers

"People are always asking couples whose marriages have endured at least a quarter of a century for their secret for success. Actually, it is no secret at all. I am a forgiving woman. Long ago, I forgave my husband for not being Paul Newman." - Erma Bombeck

"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principle difference between a dog and a man." - Mark Twain

"It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more." - Woody Allen